Question: What does it mean to share more of myself?

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years and she's everything I want in a woman. I popped the question (asked her to marry me) a few days ago, and she said she has to think about it. She says she doesn't feel like she knows me and that I'd need to share more of myself before she can give me an answer. We live together and I spend all my free time with her - What does it mean to share more of myself?

Before we can get into sharing 'yourself' with others, we need to make sure you understand what 'yourself' is. If you live with and are in a relationship with someone that wants you to share more of yourself, it suggests that you are either keeping to yourself or you are somewhat robotic in your routines and don't share a lot of personality.

I have a question that I want you to answer to yourself:

Who are you?

In answering the question, don't use your name, your profession, any relationships that you have or your background. Titles and labels don't define you. Your past doesn't define you. You get to decide who you are.

If you have difficulty answering that question, you likely have difficulty sharing yourself with those that are closest to you.

If you have difficulty answering that question, here are some secondary questions to help get you going:

What are your hobbies?

Why do you enjoy those hobbies?

How do you feel when enjoying those hobbies?

What are you passionate about?

How do you feel when engaging in things you are passionate about?

What is it you seem to be better at than most people?

What's something you do well enough that others would want to pay for?

What are you known for?

What emotions do you tend to show most often?

What makes you feel accomplished?

What are some of your favorites?

(food, music, locations, luxuries, seasons, etc.)

What are your biggest fears?

It's important to be able to answer all of those questions.

Knowing those answers will help you to know yourself.

Now here's a question to help you gauge how well your girlfriend probably feels like she knows you:

How many of those questions can your girlfriend confidently answer about you? 

If there are any of those questions that she would not feel confident answering, it's evidence that she doesn't know you.

For her to feel like she knows you, you'll need to share more of yourself.

In order to share more of yourself, you'll need to know yourself.

Like the title photo says, "Like and Share".

Like yourself and share yourself.

What is it that you like about yourself?

What is it about yourself that you like to show to others?

What makes you smile?

What types of things do you get excited about?

Describe the personality of your inner child.

How often do you spend time with your inner child?

What's a side of you that people at work don't get to see?

Get to know this about yourself. If you don't already, work on coming to a point where you like these things about yourself. You should be your own best friend and biggest supporter.

Once you know yourself, you can like yourself.

Once you like yourself, you're better prepared to share.

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Question: How Do I Get Better At Winning Arguments?

I have problems speaking up for myself in public. I have problems speaking up for myself when I'm home. I have problems convincing others that I have good ideas. How do I get better at arguing my point? I don't want to be the one that always loses arguments.

So you want to be better at arguing?

As with anything, being better at something generally means understanding it better first.

An argument starts with two or more people having different beliefs about a point.

Each person then tries to convince the other to change their belief.

Arguing is essentially an attempt to persuade someone else to believe what you believe.

If you wish to be understood, seek first to understand.

If you're going to be good at arguing, you'll need to be good at listening. People are more likely to listen to your argument after they've had an opportunity to express themselves.

Listening to another person's belief gives them space to express themselves and will help them feel as though they've been heard.

Make a genuine attempt to listen instead of just "allowing them to speak". Try to see things from their point of view. The better you understand their perspective, the better prepared you'll be to express yours in a language they'll understand.

For more information on becoming a better listener, click here.

Once you've listened and you feel as though you understand the other person, you can decide what you feel would be the most effective way to express yourself.

If we think of Aristotle's 'Ethos, Pathos, Logos", we can decide the mode of persuasion we feel will be most effective for the situation we are in and the person we are arguing with.

Ethos - Credibility

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to establish credibility on the topic at hand.

What makes you believable?

Why should a person listen to you?

What makes you an authority on the topic you're discussing?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of who you are.

Pathos - Emotion

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to appeal to the other person's emotions.

Do you know how they feel?

Do you know how they want to feel?

How do their emotions support your position?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of how they feel or because of how your idea would make them feel.

Logos - Logic

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to use facts and logic to support your position.

What facts support your position?

Are there any established precedents?
Do you have any evidence to support your claim?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of factual information that you have presented.


Practice with each mode of persuasion. As you focus on your relationships, you'll find that certain modes of persuasion are more effective with certain people.

So, rather than focus on "winning" arguments, you may find it more effective to focus on becoming more effective in the art of persuasion.

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