Question: How Do I Get Better At Winning Arguments?

I have problems speaking up for myself in public. I have problems speaking up for myself when I'm home. I have problems convincing others that I have good ideas. How do I get better at arguing my point? I don't want to be the one that always loses arguments.

So you want to be better at arguing?

As with anything, being better at something generally means understanding it better first.

An argument starts with two or more people having different beliefs about a point.

Each person then tries to convince the other to change their belief.

Arguing is essentially an attempt to persuade someone else to believe what you believe.

If you wish to be understood, seek first to understand.

If you're going to be good at arguing, you'll need to be good at listening. People are more likely to listen to your argument after they've had an opportunity to express themselves.

Listening to another person's belief gives them space to express themselves and will help them feel as though they've been heard.

Make a genuine attempt to listen instead of just "allowing them to speak". Try to see things from their point of view. The better you understand their perspective, the better prepared you'll be to express yours in a language they'll understand.

For more information on becoming a better listener, click here.

Once you've listened and you feel as though you understand the other person, you can decide what you feel would be the most effective way to express yourself.

If we think of Aristotle's 'Ethos, Pathos, Logos", we can decide the mode of persuasion we feel will be most effective for the situation we are in and the person we are arguing with.

Ethos - Credibility

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to establish credibility on the topic at hand.

What makes you believable?

Why should a person listen to you?

What makes you an authority on the topic you're discussing?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of who you are.

Pathos - Emotion

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to appeal to the other person's emotions.

Do you know how they feel?

Do you know how they want to feel?

How do their emotions support your position?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of how they feel or because of how your idea would make them feel.

Logos - Logic

To use this mode of persuasion, you'll work to use facts and logic to support your position.

What facts support your position?

Are there any established precedents?
Do you have any evidence to support your claim?

When using this mode of persuasion, your goal is to convince the other person that they should listen to you because of factual information that you have presented.


Practice with each mode of persuasion. As you focus on your relationships, you'll find that certain modes of persuasion are more effective with certain people.

So, rather than focus on "winning" arguments, you may find it more effective to focus on becoming more effective in the art of persuasion.