Question: How Do I Gain Confidence?

There are a lot of things that I plan to do. There are a lot of things that I want to do. There are even people I want to talk to that I don't, because when it's time to - I freeze. I don't feel like I have enough confidence in myself to do certain things or talk to certain people. What can I do?

First let's understand that confidence (or a lack thereof) is NOT a reflection of your abilities.

You want to plan? Go ahead and plan - you can do it.

You want to do some things? Go ahead and do those things - you can do them.

You want to talk to certain people? Go ahead and talk to them - you know how to speak.

The difficulty comes with your "belief". Confidence is all about whether or not you believe in yourself. Therefore, a desire for more confidence is a desire to believe in yourself and your abilities more than you currently do.

Once established, most of our beliefs are pretty unchanging unless an event or series of events comes along to change them. For example, if I believe that vanilla is the best ice cream flavor, that belief isn't likely to change unless there is an event that occurs to change that belief. (ex. I taste a flavor that I like more)

Therefore, if you want to change what you believe about yourself, you have to start creating events that increase how much you believe in yourself.

Here's a question for you:
What unique trait do you have that increases the value of others whenever you're around?

Every one of us has a unique gift that we can use to improve the lives of others. Spend time reflecting on that. Understand that no gift is "small" or insignificant. Anything from making sandwiches to singing songs to organizing spaces. Find your gift and find joy in being gifted.

Next, as you reflect on your gift(s) and the joy of being gifted, start a positive internal dialog with yourself (talk to yourself). Become best friends with your inner voice. Let that voice compliment you on your abilities and offer reassuring words.

The more you reassure yourself about your abilities, the better you'll feel about them.
The better you feel about your abilities, the more you will feel positive emotions.
The more you feel positive emotions, the more you'll have positive body language.
The more you have positive body language, the more others will respond to you positively.
The more others respond to you positively, the more reassured you'll be.

It's a cycle. You can make a deliberate effort to positively impact this cycle at any time you wish.